Darryl asks me a question in regards to my last blog
so Ron,
how would you define marriage? like if you were engaged to a girl could you and her just make a promise before the two of you and God and then call yourselves married and have sex then? does a couple have to sign the marriage certificate before they are officially allowed to have sex? or when you have sex does that make you married to the person you had sex with?
the question isn’t just should you have sex before you’re married…because the issue is, what does it mean to be married? and what does sex have to do with it? what was sex intended for?
Tough questions indeed; If I was to define marriage I would say it is a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. This meaning a master (man) the mistress (woman) and two slaves (both participants serving one another).
I’m talking marriage here (not common-law or same sex, just your typical man and a woman marriage). Let’s strip down all the outside stuff (signing documents, having a wedding, having sex) and get to the meat and potatoes.
A man and a woman come together and commonly agree that they want to spend their life together. This can not be a mere lip service but a feeling that represents those words spoken at the alter “through sickness and in health.”
The “official” marriage would be when your relationship is socially approved and legally acknowledged with your country. But the marriage started long before that. When your thoughts and feelings start to be changed in order to appeal, satisfy or unionize with your partner, a marriage is already in the works. When you get up in the morning, have an offer to be unfaithful or mistreat your partner and choose not to because of this feeling that lies in you; a marriage is forming.
A couple that has become emotionally, sexually, and economically tied would in my eyes be a “married.”
A lot of traditional people (may be right, may be wrong) say that when a person lies down sexually with another, they are, married; but I don’t see it.
#1 by Darryl Silvestri on June 6th, 2007
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so Ron for you the meat and potatoes of marriage is when “A man and a woman come together and commonly agree that they want to spend their life together.”
so you believe that before a man and woman commonly agree that they want to spend their lives together they shouldn’t have sex? but is it okay to have sex after they’ve made this common agreement? are their any stipulations to this agreement? is there anything that prevents them from bailing on this agreement?
Now you also said that they aren’t married in your eyes until they become, “emotionally, sexually, and economically tied”?
are there then a number of couples that you know that you would consider married due to their involvment emotionally, sexually and economically with each other? even though they themselves might not consider themselves to be? what if a man and woman come together and commonly agree to spend their lives together and go through all the legal things in order to be married and they are emotionally and sexually tied, but they financially they are independent of each other…would you consider them married?
a lot of questions i know…but i just get really curious as to what people believe and think about this whole situation…
#2 by Ron Smith on June 6th, 2007
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I think the trouble lies when we look at specifics and say “this, this and this is what makes a couple married.” If you wanted to play that game then I would say that marriage would be official the day you signed on the bottom line.
Now Darryl we have an issue: a Christian standard or worldly standard? In the Christian context, it is agreed that a couple should remain celibate until marriage. On a worldly plateau, it comes down to what ever vows or ideas each member of the couple has.
I would say then that it is unfair for me to say “this is the standard.” The decision comes solely down to each individual, their conviction with God or their own ideology.
I find it hard to believe that people get married and don’t share or reveal their finances. This could be why finances are why so many couples break apart. Finances are such a huge issue that either never gets discussed or they get discussed too much.
So my stance – I would consider a couple married when they are emotionally, sexually and financially exclusive with each other.
#3 by james on June 12th, 2007
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I’m reminded of the story when the serpent said to Eve, “Did God really say?” when i read the comment of the decision comes soley down to each individual, thier conviction with God or thier own ideology. This creates relativism, doing what I feel is right and what makes me happy. I recently attended a wedding where the couple joined together as husband and wife in front of thier family and friends, stood at the altar of a church signifying before God and then signed a marriage liscence in front of everyone a document of the province. What was beautiful about the ceremony was that the minister pointed out that the marriage was not a contract, but a covenant. You might want to check out what a covenant marriage is.
#4 by Lea on July 28th, 2008
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Well said James. As a Christian I believe the word of God to be absolute truth, and I think we can say what the standard of marriage is, based on what God has designed it to be, and how he has instructed the husband and wife to carry out certain roles within marriage. In the bible, obviously their ceremonies looked different than ours do now, but cultural differences (do I wear a veil, do I not; in a church, or outdoors; 6 mos. of planning, or 3 weeks of planning…) shouldn’t change the fact that a covenant is being made before God that you are going to love your chosen spouse, for as long as you, or they, shall live. It just so happens that in our culture, it takes the signing of certain documents, most commonly during a ceremony, to have a couple be legally married.
That is being married. Having a GOOD marriage, however, is much more work than that. There are many legally married couples who do in fact have many financial secrets/problems; there are married couples who aren’t being sexually intimate, and married couples who are emotionally unattached. Sad, but true.