My Granddad and I were chatting the other day. We got into a bit of a debate about what relationships should look like and how much weight should be placed on communication.
We discussed real reasons why people get married. Now, this might sound shallow but people do regularly marry for money, comfort, sustainability, simplicity. I’m not just talking about gold diggers here either. Real people, who work real jobs, decide to marry a person not because their partner stimulates them but because they can achieve the “American dream” of success: A house, a car, a vacation, kids and retirement.
For my Granddads generation, achieving the dream was a priority after the war. Women weren’t really seen as “equals” and didn’t really have the ability to achieve the dream without men’s financial assistance. Women, it appears were dragged into this situation. I would also say then that men were also forced into this situation because it was the “right” thing to do.
Fast forward to today. We are in a time where the dream can be achieved being single and more and more people are choosing to do so. It’s not a societal norm to get married and with most people getting divorced today, it’s not overly appealing either.
So, if people don’t need a partner to achieve the dream why on earth would you marry in pursuit of it? I say no.
My Granddad and I discussed further and he stated that you can be happily married, have assets, raise kids, retire together, fully know your partner but never really “know” your partner and that’s ok. Most people do that.
Being young and naïve I begged to differ. I believe that people should only marry for companionship/love/intimacy. I would take it a step further and say that it’s our possessions that are getting in the way of our real happiness.
Life is hard for a single person. All the bills come addressed to you, if the car breaks you have to deal with it, on a Friday night you have to get creative and holidays are always awkward. Saying all that, I still cannot accept that people should get married just so they aren’t alone or can be seen as “being well off” according to the Jones of the dream.
However, I have come to see that all people aren’t looking for a communicative partner. They just want someone to understand them, let them be who they are and together achieve the greater goal known as “the dream.”
Maybe I am being too idealistic. Maybe I will be alone. Maybe I am expecting too much. Maybe.
#1 by Jolene Emberlin on August 25th, 2009
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I always love readin the thoughts you share on here
#2 by Stephanie Prevost on August 25th, 2009
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your notes are always so interresting to read Ron… u definetly bring up some good points !
#3 by Stephanie PrevosHeather Fletcher on August 25th, 2009
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Interesting debate, Ron. I’ve often wondered what the entire point of partnership is. Right now I’m reading Revolutionary Road & for those who have seen the Leo D / Kate W trailers, it’s all about the slow & suffocating demise of an unhealthy relationship [set in the 1950's]… great read & brutally realistic.
I guess it’s important to check your motives before you get in too deep? I don’t know. I’m from the “what’s the point?” camp.
#4 by Nattasha Clements on August 25th, 2009
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You are absolutely not expecting too much – your standards & expectations are high, as they should be!
#5 by Valerie Clever on August 25th, 2009
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I’m not so sure it is about a dream or success. I think it IS just that people have a basic, fundamental need to feel loved and needed. We have to have a place, an answer to the question “why am I here?” I think maybe people find their fulfillment in companionship (or at least try to). Sometimes friends are not enough, especially if friends are … Read Morealready occupied with their own marriage/family.
Paul is an advocate in his letters for staying single if you can, but even he acknowledges that most people can’t.
Speaking as someone who has only ever been single, I’m not exactly an authority on relationships. I might be idealistic too.
Isn’t it funny that only women have commented so far?alerie Clever
I’m not so sure it is about a dream or success. I think it IS just that people have a basic, fundamental need to feel loved and needed. We have to have a place, an answer to the question “why am I here?” I think maybe people find their fulfillment in companionship (or at least try to). Sometimes friends are not enough, especially if friends are … Read Morealready occupied with their own marriage/family.
Paul is an advocate in his letters for staying single if you can, but even he acknowledges that most people can’t.
Speaking as someone who has only ever been single, I’m not exactly an authority on relationships. I might be idealistic too.
Isn’t it funny that only women have commented so far?alerie Clever
I’m not so sure it is about a dream or success. I think it IS just that people have a basic, fundamental need to feel loved and needed. We have to have a place, an answer to the question “why am I here?” I think maybe people find their fulfillment in companionship (or at least try to). Sometimes friends are not enough, especially if friends are … Read Morealready occupied with their own marriage/family.
Paul is an advocate in his letters for staying single if you can, but even he acknowledges that most people can’t.
Speaking as someone who has only ever been single, I’m not exactly an authority on relationships. I might be idealistic too.
Isn’t it funny that only women have commented so far?
#6 by Sandra Gladwish on August 25th, 2009
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I think fundamentally there has been a shift to some of the reasons from your granddad’s era til now .. that discussion would’ve been real interesting
I’ve been on both sides of the coin (married/single) .. in some aspects there is a real sense of security in a committed (healthy of course) relationship … the dating world these days is a complete nightmare compared to when I was first in college. I think a lot of people’s convictions about the sanctity of marriage have changed too — people … Read Morechange partners like their underwear and all too often partnerships are like bandaid fixes rather than deep emotional commitment. Funny you should mention this as I am planning my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary this Oct — I will never accomplish what they have unless I meet and get hitched to my soulmate tomorrow and live to be 94 LOL .. I am so jealous
#7 by nathan on August 29th, 2009
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