I’ve been thinking a lot lately about areas in my life where I am lacking. For if I am not asking this question I have the habit of growing complacent or worse yet, thinking there is nothing wrong to correct.

I’ve been reflecting about where I go/going/gone wrong and have I at least learned anything from these reflections.

If I am being honest with myself I would say I am most certainly prideful, followed up with its byproduct – conceitedness. “I’m not conceited” I thought to myself the other day and then in my readings a day later I came across this: “If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.”

I think pride to be the greatest sin out there because of what it causes people to become. Where they focus their time and finances, your views and how you treat others are all drastically bent and distorted by pride.

I don’t think the issue is pride by itself. It’s when you take your pride and attach it to other vises in your life.

Greed is a vise in my life. My greed enjoys more money and with this money I enjoy my house, home reno’s, vacations, better drink and food, entertainment with friends and obviously fashionable apparel. But only to a certain point. If I inject my un-checked pride into the mix of my greed it mutates it into something much worse.

This feeling comes upon me and I start to yearn for a better house not because I need a place to lay my head but because someone else lays theirs better than mine. My vacations need to be more exotic, expensive and further because someone may have one upped me. My food and drink and who I enjoy those things with need to be of a certain class…. Pride gets me to a point where what I have isn’t enough and the only thing that curbs my pride is climbing the ladder higher than others.

If you read this and think “that’s sad Ron, I’m not like that” I would think that’s a good indication that pride has you all rapped up my friend. The problem with pride is that it’s in competition with everyone else as pride is competitive by nature. I know I am prideful because I get annoyed when I see it in others. It is because I wanted to be the big shot at the party that I am so annoyed at someone else being the big shot.

Two of a trade never agree.

Recently my Grandfather has fallen ill – very ill.
3 hearts attacks in the last month, his heart is failing him daily.

After a very unstable stay at the hospital he has been sent home with the hope of recovery of getting comfortable to be at final rest.
This pains me very much. My Grandfather is one of my best friends. I don’t just see him as a relative. He is someone whom has spoken a great deal into my life.
Weekly drinks at Paddies with our reserved seats and yearly vacations to Europe; our conversations have made me rather worldly.

That was then and statistically speaking my better days with him have come to a close. When he was looking his worst we had “the talk.” If you have ever dealt with someone who is on their death bed you know what I mean. It was very intimate. He and I communicated honestly and freely – we said our good byes. We cried deeply about him not being at my wedding, meeting my wife and holding my children. He said he wished that I was 20 years older or better yet, that he was 20 years younger.

It’s tough watching a man who has lived a full life still capable of living an even fuller one. It pains me more when you watch so many people just wasting away their youth.

My Grandfather requires 24 hour attention and I will do my part with the rest of my family to be there, assist and care for. However as I do this, the thoughts of it not being fair or “if only we had more time” wont be present. Granddad and I have had an amazing run together. What I have experienced with him trumps many people’s experiences with their own relatives. He and I have said our good byes.

When he and I catch each others eye from across the room we know what both of us are thinking. He has told me for years that this “way” of life is not for him. He dreads it and now he is dealing minute by minute with it. It’s hard for me to watch him because in his mind I know he is locked down, trapped and tormented.

Even with a “full” recovery things won’t return to way he wanted to live. My Granddad is very active. Daily he works out, walks the dog, swims and plans vacations over seas. He keeps sharp by studying language (he has learned 3 in the last 10 years), reading countless books and learning the ways of the internet and email to keep in touch with people from around the globe.

I miss that person. From what is occurring now I feel so disconnected. I don’t like seeing it just as much as he doesn’t like being it. Even though I am putting on a strong face I don’t like my time with it all. This isn’t the man or the time I want to remember. I remember someone much different. Is that horrible? I am trying to see the positives of it all however if I am being honest with myself I must admit that I would wish him a quick, peaceful passing over a drawn out, flat lining, uncomfortable last few months.
Part of it is selfish and part of it is me knowing his real wishes. In the mean time I will pray, fast, reflect and sit by my Grandfathers side.

I am starting to see more and more the two paths people live by when it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with someone. The first type is a person who is comfortable in their skin being single. They don’t approach the single life as a hindrance nor see themselves as lacking, needing or the odd person out. If a relationship presents itself to that person it is seen as a bonus, adding to their already functioning life.

The other people are those who crave a relationship. They yearn and seek out to such an extreme that they tend to make an unwise choice that most likely will lead to sadness, dissatisfaction and ultimately, a broken heart. I would say that the majority of the adult single population fit into this way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.

Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. Fed up with breakups and longing for a stable mate, I would imagine when one “settles” that the “nice” feeling of being with that new person only exists due to the relief of escaping the single life. Being caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to find “the one” and the constant ticking of that annoying inner clock reminding people that they are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen I am sure.

So why settle? Well, I think it has SO much to do with how we are all “programmed” to view our life in accordance with relationships. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry, have children, go on vacation, grow a family, retire and grow old. This ideology is instilled in us from day one.

As we enter the dating game we are weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to sustain this healthy and loving relationship as described above. If a person does not find this truly compatible mate, they will most likely opt to………… settle.

Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to either person in the relationship. I like to believe that we all desire love, having someone to care for us above all else, the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. I don’t think setting produces those results.

Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. Be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.

What if finding true love isn’t what you desire and actually isn’t the goal.
Can people settle and actually mean to do so? Are some people’s expectations set to high and by trying to reach their target cause their issue of singleness? Are people who settle more realistic? Can one argue that settling is better than being alone?