I am starting to see more and more the two paths people live by when it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with someone. The first type is a person who is comfortable in their skin being single. They don’t approach the single life as a hindrance nor see themselves as lacking, needing or the odd person out. If a relationship presents itself to that person it is seen as a bonus, adding to their already functioning life.
The other people are those who crave a relationship. They yearn and seek out to such an extreme that they tend to make an unwise choice that most likely will lead to sadness, dissatisfaction and ultimately, a broken heart. I would say that the majority of the adult single population fit into this way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.
Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. Fed up with breakups and longing for a stable mate, I would imagine when one “settles” that the “nice” feeling of being with that new person only exists due to the relief of escaping the single life. Being caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to find “the one” and the constant ticking of that annoying inner clock reminding people that they are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen I am sure.
So why settle? Well, I think it has SO much to do with how we are all “programmed” to view our life in accordance with relationships. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry, have children, go on vacation, grow a family, retire and grow old. This ideology is instilled in us from day one.
As we enter the dating game we are weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to sustain this healthy and loving relationship as described above. If a person does not find this truly compatible mate, they will most likely opt to………… settle.
Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to either person in the relationship. I like to believe that we all desire love, having someone to care for us above all else, the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. I don’t think setting produces those results.
Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. Be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.
What if finding true love isn’t what you desire and actually isn’t the goal.
Can people settle and actually mean to do so? Are some people’s expectations set to high and by trying to reach their target cause their issue of singleness? Are people who settle more realistic? Can one argue that settling is better than being alone?
#1 by Denise Esser on September 9th, 2009
| Quote
Hear! Hear! I like being single for the most part. What I don’t like is when I feel like people are like, “Why are you still single after so many years?”
Anyone can settle. Not just anyone can be happily single!
#2 by Nicole Clark on September 9th, 2009
| Quote
Comming from somone who knows about settling….It’s always a bad idea. You will never be truly happy.
#3 by Sandra Gladwich on September 9th, 2009
| Quote
Great points Ron .. I think the key first and foremost is figuring out what makes you feel fulfilled just yourself – nothing else external to yourself – just you .. because if you can’t achieve completeness on your own you won’t be happy in any setting whether it’s single or in a relationship .. In my observations, sometimes it’s not so much about… Read More “escaping” from the single life but rather all to often people think the answer is external to themselves (”if I only had this”.. or “if I only had someone to make me happy or give me what I need”)… you can’t place that kind of expectation on things or other people… and yes society has these compartmental timeline expectations of us all – closed thinking that says if you fall outside of that, that there is something wrong ?? haha think again.
#4 by Amanda Griffith on September 9th, 2009
| Quote
I wish I could write my thoughts like you do, Ron… You have no idea..
#5 by Dave on September 13th, 2009
| Quote
So to break down everything you said into a grossly exaggerated sound byte; There is no value to any relationship that you ever have (no matter if you “settle” or “one night” them) unless it is with that ONE person that is destined to be your true love for all eternity. Well, what happens if you one day miss out on the only opportunity to start a relationship with that ONE person and then they are gone, never to be seen by you again?
#6 by Nathan Colquhoun on September 14th, 2009
| Quote
This post doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I feel like you made 10 different statements all saying different things, or am I just reading this wrong? The way you write it is if that “settling” is something to be dreaded and only exists for people who are trying to escape being single. There is room to be complete whether in marriage, or being single. The separation you are describing between the two types of people has very little to do with the relationships they find themselves in and a lot more to do with who they are as people.
Dave is sort of on the right track, in that you can’t reduce relationships down to “waiting for the right one” lie. The only way to find out if the person is truely the right one is to date them anyway, therefore no longer being single and therefore making the whole idea of being single until the right one comes along a bad idea. Unless of course you actually believe that when you see her you will just know, but I know you don’t.
Settling is making a decision to commit your like to someone. Someone who doesn’t want to commit to someone will want to be single. Someone who does will eventually commit. Suggestion: Do a bunch of posts on this topic, try to come to some conclusions (for now) on what you are saying?