Ron A Smith.com

I am starting to see more and more the two paths people live by when it comes to the prospect of being in a serious, loving relationship with someone. The first type is a person who is comfortable in their skin being single. They don’t approach the single life as a hindrance nor see themselves as lacking, needing or the odd person out. If a relationship presents itself to that person it is seen as a bonus, adding to their already functioning life.

The other people are those who crave a relationship. They yearn and seek out to such an extreme that they tend to make an unwise choice that most likely will lead to sadness, dissatisfaction and ultimately, a broken heart. I would say that the majority of the adult single population fit into this way of thinking. Desiring a loving, nurturing and safe relationship, they do it: they settle.

Settling is entering into a relationship with a less than desirable mate for the sake of escaping the single life. Fed up with breakups and longing for a stable mate, I would imagine when one “settles” that the “nice” feeling of being with that new person only exists due to the relief of escaping the single life. Being caught up in the swirl of desperately trying to find “the one” and the constant ticking of that annoying inner clock reminding people that they are getting older by the moment, can cause this to happen I am sure.

So why settle? Well, I think it has SO much to do with how we are all “programmed” to view our life in accordance with relationships. We are raised to believe that the ideal life is one in which we fall in love, marry, have children, go on vacation, grow a family, retire and grow old. This ideology is instilled in us from day one.

As we enter the dating game we are weaving our way through relationships, trying to decipher what type of person best fits our needs to sustain this healthy and loving relationship as described above. If a person does not find this truly compatible mate, they will most likely opt to………… settle.

Settling may bring temporary happiness, however the key word is temporary. When a person is in a relationship that is not the ideal one for them, they are choosing to close off the option of finding true love. This is not fair to either person in the relationship. I like to believe that we all desire love, having someone to care for us above all else, the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. I don’t think setting produces those results.

Remaining single and waiting to meet someone that will provide you with a truly loving relationship is wise. Be pleased that you are abiding to your standards. Falsely believing that continuing to remain single is such a dreadful choice, and settling is the option you choose, you will be losing the prospect of truly enjoying your life bonded with someone you undoubtedly love.

What if finding true love isn’t what you desire and actually isn’t the goal.
Can people settle and actually mean to do so? Are some people’s expectations set to high and by trying to reach their target cause their issue of singleness? Are people who settle more realistic? Can one argue that settling is better than being alone?

We live in a world of instant gratification. Everything is geared towards you, making you happy and advancing you further. It’s easy to see then not only is this a self centered driven culture, it’s actually encouraged.

In life you are told over and over “you only have one life to live, you might as well do what makes you happy” and a lot of people are attempting just that. It appears though that making oneself happy and being concerned only about oneself are seen as the same.

It would make sense then why there is so much focus on “you.” The trouble and pitfall it appears is that we actually think we can fill this void of “happiness” as if there were a meter to indicate “total happiness.” I haven’t yet met a person who said to me “I’m full on happy, I can’t possibly have another slice.”

The pursuit of happiness is an endless race; never ending and always evolving. There is no satisfaction. People can be happier for a period of time but the need for happiness is always lurking close by. As soon as we accomplish something that makes us happy (food, sex, tv, sports, sleeping) we soon feel lacking and want the exact thing soon there after.

Knowing then that we will never fill this void of happiness says to me how important it should be when attempting to figure out what it is that actually makes us happy. Furthermore how dangerous it can be if we pick things that are destructive to us.

If we can take a minute and admit “I am a selfish person” and really understand that, it will probably help you see what you spend your time doing for the pursuit of happiness.

The more I journey on with life the more I am realizing and becoming disgusted with the time I spend on making myself happy. It’s not that self happiness isn’t important and shouldn’t be pursued, it’s just I see how sad some of the things are that I think make me happy. If we believe that we only have one life to live, it’s sad to know I spend so much time doing rather dull and selfish things with the sparing time I have.

On a brighter note I am finding that the more time I spend with other people; investing, partaking and being of service to, I receive the same sense of happiness that fills my otherwise selfish motives.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that finding, chasing and becoming happy isn’t bad. Not at all. How we try to attempt it is the problem. I think if we took sometime out of our busy, self orientated lives and actually invested in someone else asking the question “what would make them happy” I think we would quickly come to the conclusion that serving others makes you happy as well, if not more happy; with the added bonus that you took one step away from being a narcissistic prick.

What’s so dangerous about this breeded culture of selfish happiness is that there are roles in a persons life where being selfish cannot exist. Roles like husband, wife, mother, father, etc. Obviously you can see the dilemma. If a person spends their entire life making only them self happy and then become a Dad, can you really get mad or be surprised at that person when they apply their selfish ways to their newly appointed selfless position? Its not that they don’t have the capacity to be selfless and serve in that capacity, it’s that all they know is selfishness and that is a hard habit to break.

People who got an education will defend it to the end; placing it on a pedestal and proclaiming how it is so needed. Well I got me one of those “educations.” 2 Diplomas actually and 6 years later and I can tell you that it was a joke and a waste of money.

The thought of downloading information from a teacher spouting off over the course of an hour or so seems to me now absurd, lacking and a waste of time.

Firstly, with the way technology is I can download books upon books of information onto an ipod that 100 teachers talking for weeks couldn’t contend with.

Secondly, there is so much online content covering any topic that I can learn from the best. People are publishing in video at alarming rates. What better way to learn than to have a video that you can stop, reply and watch at anytime with the convenience you need.

The profession of teaching where it currently stands is dated and is in need of a MAJOR upgrade.
Education isn’t about memorization in this world. It’s about organizing, prioritizing and searching for the right information.

I work in the information technology field. Daily I run into problems that didn’t exist when I went to school. Where do I turn to? The on-line blogging community. People need to start embracing the internet as the best source of information.

Where I would like to see Teaching go:

I want to see teachers as people who inspire people of any age to think differently and encourage creativity.
I am not saying that teaching don’t do this as I met quite a few teachers who spoke greatly into my life.

In the Colleges and Universities there needs to be WAY more emphases on working hands on in the field. Becoming a Lawyer? Schools should be teaming up with active lawyers, letting them assist them in cases and really learning the field.

Schools need to start specializing, even at the high school level. I don’t need to sit in high school until 19 memorizing the periodic table and doing some lame math (over and over again).
Math needs to be practical. Let’s take this math question and apply it to a real life situation. Lets focus more in technology.

I went to my old high school a little while ago thinking I would see rooms more and more converted over to computer rooms. NO. They were closing them down. There were actually less there. I couldn’t believe it.

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